I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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