Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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