i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
