i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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