Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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