i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
