you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
whose parrot is this?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I need water and some morals
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