I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
