other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
