Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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