Apparently you make a good broom.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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