Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
