I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Randomize
