his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
