I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
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Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
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Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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