drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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