Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
