she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize