The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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