Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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