its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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