Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I cut my penus on the lid.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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