Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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