You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
