At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
