he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
