I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I had to cum in my sink.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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