So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize