Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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