I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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