we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
