She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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