i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
