why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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