His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
