lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
