I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
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you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
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I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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