after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
My vagina just recognized that song.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
