I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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