I heard we made out
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
