My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
