I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
