I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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