Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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