I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
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