I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
