About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
