I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Did we literally take a cab across the street
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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