Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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