i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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