It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Randomize
