my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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