Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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