im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
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