filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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