He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
