is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
