dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
