I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
