Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
