So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
