I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
