i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
