I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
