Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
