i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
